Its been a while so updates first:
-We are waiting on China.

That means we are waiting for them to say "Here is your approval to get a VISA and come get your child." This part takes a while, I am trying to be very patient since there is really nothing for me to work on.
So while I wait, why not work on me?

I have experienced my first "real" what I would call "Quiet God" moment.
Where I felt so far from God that it was exhausting.
Now I know that God didn't go anywhere...I walked away.
That is hard to admit.
That is the truth.

I didn't actively make a decision to "walk away" it just happened.
I was so wrapped up in ME that I wasn't focused on what He wanted me to do.

Actually, you know what...I knew what He wanted but I kept bargaining with Him.
You know where you say, "Ok God, I promise I will do that but just one more" or "Ok God, deal, you got me 110% just after..."

Now I get up on Sundays and I teach a group of kiddos all about having a relationship with God. I should know in my own life when that relationship is not where it should be.

Here is the kicker: No, it is not obvious to me. I don't have this figured out anymore than anyone else. I need God to show me, I need God to help me have a relationship with Him.
Think about that for just a moment.
We need God's help in order to pursue God.

Some of us might read that and think "Wow so that makes no sense."
But today I had some little reminders point me back to how we do this:

This morning in a conversation with Caden he said to me "well if you want to feel close to God, you need your bible because those are His words to you"

My lesson for my 4th and 5th graders was on "Sanctification" and the following reminders came up:
-God has given me the Holy Spirit to help me do what is right, to guide me in my relationship with God.
-God has given me the ability to pray. To talk directly to Him and ask Him to show me where I need work.
-God has given me my bible to read about Him and to guide me in my walk.

Thank you God for your tools. Thank you God for not giving up on me.

PS the pics are a new hobby of mine. Hope you enjoy.

Thank all of you for your prayers and support.
Thank you to my "inner circle" who prays with me and for me, you know who you are.