Its been a while so updates first:
-We are waiting on China.

That means we are waiting for them to say "Here is your approval to get a VISA and come get your child." This part takes a while, I am trying to be very patient since there is really nothing for me to work on.
So while I wait, why not work on me?

I have experienced my first "real" what I would call "Quiet God" moment.
Where I felt so far from God that it was exhausting.
Now I know that God didn't go anywhere...I walked away.
That is hard to admit.
That is the truth.

I didn't actively make a decision to "walk away" it just happened.
I was so wrapped up in ME that I wasn't focused on what He wanted me to do.

Actually, you know what...I knew what He wanted but I kept bargaining with Him.
You know where you say, "Ok God, I promise I will do that but just one more" or "Ok God, deal, you got me 110% just after..."

Now I get up on Sundays and I teach a group of kiddos all about having a relationship with God. I should know in my own life when that relationship is not where it should be.

Here is the kicker: No, it is not obvious to me. I don't have this figured out anymore than anyone else. I need God to show me, I need God to help me have a relationship with Him.
Think about that for just a moment.
We need God's help in order to pursue God.

Some of us might read that and think "Wow so that makes no sense."
But today I had some little reminders point me back to how we do this:

This morning in a conversation with Caden he said to me "well if you want to feel close to God, you need your bible because those are His words to you"

My lesson for my 4th and 5th graders was on "Sanctification" and the following reminders came up:
-God has given me the Holy Spirit to help me do what is right, to guide me in my relationship with God.
-God has given me the ability to pray. To talk directly to Him and ask Him to show me where I need work.
-God has given me my bible to read about Him and to guide me in my walk.

Thank you God for your tools. Thank you God for not giving up on me.

PS the pics are a new hobby of mine. Hope you enjoy.

Thank all of you for your prayers and support.
Thank you to my "inner circle" who prays with me and for me, you know who you are.

Sustainability

Cate(aka Catie) Update:

On Monday I was sent a beautiful picture of our Dossier prior to its shipment off to China; never before has a stack of paperwork looked so lovely.
Of course I was sent a tracking number and according to FedEx it will arrive in China tomorrow. :-) not that I am constantly tracking it...or anything.

On April 26th the updated list of available children was published (this occurs every 4 weeks approx) by the Chinese government. So right now as I type two amazing people, Marvin and Lily are looking through files and pictures to make a referral for us. Today Marvin told me we could have a referral Friday morning!
Here is where I am asking for prayer; I will have a sweet little face and medical background on our potential daughter. I ask for prayer because I need to keep myself distanced until the medical information has been verified. Those of you who know me well know how hard that will be for me, especially if this child does not work for us and I have to say no. It will break my heart and I will need some serious God presence to get me through. So, thank you all in advance for your prayers!

Big Revelation:
There have been so many these past few months it is hard for me to pick just one so I will mention a few things:

The patience I am learning in this process as well as my ever growing trust in God has been huge. I am tossing things over for Him to handle constantly, which is so wonderful I cannot express in words. I have been freed from worry, guilt and anxiety countless times.

Another area I have been focused on is turning to God to meet my needs.

I want Sustanability.

Instead of the countless ways we look for Joy, Love or Acceptance here in this loud and broken world, I want to look to God to provide those things as He is the true source and only source that will sustain me.

You see in the past I might have depended on material things or another person to fill an emptiness or make me feel accepted. The problem with that is that the happiness, acceptance or whatever it may be you are looking for does not last, it is only temporary and truthfully the need is still there.
And depending on anyone in your life to meet your emotional needs is only going to cause additional pain, we are all human and we can't be dependable 100% of the time for anyone.

A recent quote I love:
"He may be a great boyfriend/husband but trust me he will make a horrible God."
That pretty much works with anything substituted in there.
So, think about the areas you could be turning to God, the true source of real peace, happiness, joy and love and give it a try.
I do not think you will be disappointed.

Hopefully next week you will get a "Meet Cate" update ;)
Jenn

You picked a Fine time to leave me Lucille...

First things first, Update:
Happy to announce we are moving right along...
We submitted our Home Study documents to CIS and on February 14th 2011 they logged us in ;)
This process with CIS usually takes 4 months, we learned that right now the process should take us only 6 weeks. We should get our finger print appointments soon and then our approval. Next step is sending the approval and 3 other docs to be "state sealed" and then my friends, we submit our dossier to China.
Which means, we could be matched and have a picture of our Cate/Catie as early as April!
Quite a big jump in my "planning" or should I say my constant attempt at planning.
You see, all along this journey God has been reminding me that I am a part of HIS plan, not the other way around.

This months big revelation:
Friday our washer died. The computer would not turn on so with a ton of laundry staring me down, I walked away...yes, I left piles of clothes on my laundry room floor...all weekend...happily (welcome to the new and improved Jenn)
Since I had all weekend to think, I quickly realized that Lucille- my washer, (yes I just thought of that mainly due to the song "you picked a fine time to leave me Lucille") may not come back to me. Lucille's passing would mean buying a new washer. Here is where panic struck me and I will admit I stayed in this panic state until today. I looked at several different websites pricing and re-pricing washers to find the cheapest.
Now here is the big deal: this is the first time in a while I have worried about purchasing something due to money. Now, I know that sounds lame and it is hard for me to admit too, but there was a lesson here so I want to share regardless of what anyone may think about me.

A year ago had this happened, I would have been immediately bitten by the "New" bug, this is where you get all giddy at going out to buy something new and shiny and improved. I would have been all over that a year ago, I would have wanted top of the line, I would have cared about color, model, features...only the best, I would gotten that "new" bug high.
But this weekend I did not feel any of that, this weekend I was in panic mode.
Now there is more at stake.
Now "New" doesn't matter that much.
Now my vision is not so focused on me.
Now I see I am a piece of a larger plan. A plan where I am not the main character.
I wish I had time to share all of the other ways I have been learning that this is not about me. Each day, is not about my happiness and contentment.
This lesson has changed the way I think about everything...for the better.

The GE repair man came today (an hour late) and was so happy to tell me that Lucille can be revived and that the electronics are covered under warranty.
Another worry that I didn't need to worry about, I should have turned the issue over to God on Friday instead of worrying.
I am so glad God is so patient with us, I would have given up on me long ago.
Oh but wait, He does have a sense of humor...it will be NEXT MONDAY before my Lucille is back with me.
That is right, I have one week without one of my most important "maidens".

Side story:When I was first married I read a book on being a Proverbs 31 Woman in today's world. The whole book I could not help but think, "well of course this woman is amazing she had maidens!" (see Proverbs 31:15). It took me a while to figure out, we do too...our washers, dryers, vacuums, swiffers, etc.

So, while Lucille is resting, I will enjoy the humor of my situation by bravely toting dirty laundry around to my neighbor's houses stealing their washers for a load here and there...if you are my neighbor be forewarned ;-)

Many Blessings
Brave New Jenn ;-)

New Year, Busy Beginnings

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year.
I am so happy to be in 2011, I know big things are happening ;)

So, we finally started the Home Study, I thought it would take forever to get all the paperwork completed and it seemed we would never get to this point!
Our social worker came on Sunday for the first of two visits.
She is a really sweet lady with 34 years of experience and I know God was working there. She had great information and she will also be our social worker after we bring Miss Catie home for our 6month and 1 year follow up reports. She will make visit two on Friday and then write the report to complete the Home Study. After that, we submit the report to CIS and wait 3-4 months for their approval. During that 3-4months I will be hopefully completing the dossier for China. I feel like the Home Study is the fist big mountain and I am so happy to finally be trekking up it.
And yes, I must admit that I already kinda started on the Dossier too ;)
Things are moving right along and rather easily which still amazes me. God is so good.

Lots of things have been going on at our house too:
We went on our yearly Disney trip with Alan's mom and dad in early December. This year was so much fun, I love that our kids have those memories with Grandma and Grandpa! The boys made several comments about how our next Disney trip might involve girl stuff...I think they are secretly really excited about meeting the Princesses.
The boys also went with Alan and my Dad to "The Deer Lease", Caden is WAY into hunting and my Dad set him up with some new gear for Christmas. He is already asking when he can go again. Caleb is right on his heels starting to talk about deer and tracking stuff in the woods, these conversations are hilarious!
We celebrated New Years low key at the Lake house with our friends The Warrenders. The boys played outside, got some golf in, we set off fireworks (which were interesting ;)) and did some fishing. Caden caught a nice 3lb bass right off the pier, that was one excited kid.

So it has been pretty busy for us and I was actually happy to be over the Holidays, back at work and school and on our regular routine!
Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers!
The support of our Family and Friends is so important to us, you guys keep us going!

Many Blessings
Jenn